Being There

Being There

I regularly reflect on life and try to find some deep and meaningful answers on a daily basis. Rarely do I actually get any 😆. But, some clarification has hit me this year, I think I’m done with the BS people in my life. The ones who only want me in their lives when it’s convenient for them. You know the ones. You call or text them for the umpteenth time & always get the response “I’ve been so busy……. blah blah.” We are all busy, every single one of us, but we all have a few minutes to take the time to call and check on the people we love; friends and family alike. It’s important. We all say all of these sweet things on Social media about how we are here if you need us, but why not be there before you are needed? Why not give a little rather than talk a sweet talk? It’s time, now is the time to do that! If it isn’t time for you, then perhaps the people in your life aren’t the right people? Perhaps it’s time to move on and make new friends?

Every relationship you have is an investment. You both give and take, you invest your time and your love, yes even with friends. If you’re too busy to invest that time and love, then maybe these aren’t the right friends for you. Take a moment to reassess who you want in your life, then take a moment to jot them a note, give them a call, send a text.

I know, I know, your busy, you’ve got too many friends, too much family, everyone is strewn throughout the country, throughout the world! If you don’t reach out now, you may regret that you didn’t. We have no idea if today is the first of many great ones yet to come or the last of many great ones lived. We have no idea about that for ourselves let alone for anyone else. After dealing with too many losses at the end of last year into this year and seeing so many people regret not reaching out in time because they didn’t realize their time was so limited, I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. I’m not sitting here on my high horse telling you to cull your Facebook friends’ list, what I am telling you though is reach out to those you consider your true friends, a minute is all it takes. Stop putting off having lunch or a coffee with that girlfriend you haven’t seen in forever, stop thinking there’ll be time later to go for that beer or catch up with your mate to play pool. There may not be and you don’t want to spend time regretting.

I don’t want to regret another minute of my life. I don’t want to spend time with people I don’t truly like. I don’t want to spend time with people who don’t truly like me. That’s not doing either one of us any good. I’ve always reached out to people but it’s definitely a two-way street and my life is very full, so perhaps it’s time I stopped. Perhaps it’s time you stopped too. Perhaps our laundry list of so-called friends is just that?

Either way, the people I love , those who truly know who they are, will always call and check on me or text or let me know how they are, just as I will them. The rest, well some could be in this life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, some could just be wasting my time and I theirs. So here’s to truly being there for someone before they need you and to knowing others have got your back!

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The loss of a Fur Baby – a child’s heartbreak

On the first weekend of 2019, my husband and I went through a very difficult ‘first’. The first death of a beloved pet. Our daughter got a guinea pig from us for Christmas the year before. She celebrated their first year together on Christmas day. And boy did she love that guinea pig! It was a love like that of any fur baby. She has felt incredibly guilty since Phina’s passing; “Why didn’t I know? How did I miss this? I should have known something serious was wrong!” All of these things sound familiar, as we all go through similar questions/statements when we lose anyone we love.

The thing that really hurts though, is not being able to do anything to take your child’s pain away! The agony, the heartbreak! The powerlessness! It’s awful. I cried myself to sleep one night. I was devastated at the loss of the guinea pig, but I was even more devastated at the fact that I couldn’t do anything to take the agony away! I couldn’t answer any of those big questions. This was a fur baby. Her fur baby. All I could do was reassure her that she had done everything she could have. She felt guilty because she hadn’t played with Phina the night before. She’s fourteen years old. She is allowed to be a responsible pet owner and live the life of a fourteen year old. Phina lived in her room. Our daughter played with her and cuddled with her daily. On the Friday night she sat on her phone and played video games with her friends all night. On Saturday I made her help me take down and pack away Christmas decorations for hours. She went back up to her room and doesn’t remember if she checked in on Phina then or not. At 11pm, she found her on her side in her cage, not moving. Her guilt overwhelming.

The only thing we can do when facing the death of a loved one, is reassure our children it wasn’t their fault. Her guinea pig had fresh food, fresh water. She had made sure of that on Friday night. It’s just a sad and cruel twist of fate that the one day she didn’t give her guinea pig the normal attention she got, is the day she died. I guess that’s Murphy’s/Sod’s law.

I’m sharing this story because I feel like every parent will have to go through this at some point in time and no one prepares you for the heartache you will feel for your child.

We had a ceremony on Sunday January 6. We buried her in the woods, in a box, wrapped in tissue paper and covered in rocks. Our dearest daughter made the beautiful headstone you see in the photo. We all shed a tear, she may have just been a guinea pig but she had found a way into all of our hearts and she was a real cutie, full of personality.

I’m writing this story a week and half after Phina passed away. Our daughter has started smiling again. She visits her grave daily.

One day my kids will have to face the death of a human loved one and I dread that day. But all I can say is, when it comes to your children and their beloved pets passing, it’s going to break your heart into a million pieces, but you will get through it, just as we make it through the death of our family members and good friends.