A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way

Imagine this: you’re sitting al fresco style at a lovely restaurant eating brunch with your husband and your 12 year old son. Everything is great, you’re eating your food and this family outing is extremely pleasant; all of a sudden your son’s face goes extremely red. You wonder if he’s choking but he’s not making any noises or gesturing in any way that indicates that such a thing is occurring. He stands up and you can see a wet patch on his bottom. He’s had a minor accident you think, but then the smell hits you quite violently and you realize this is no minor accident!

Now imagine your son is special needs. Imagine if you were that parent. Imagine if everyone around you (and the restaurant, even al fresco, was absolutely packed) just sat and stared!

So I tried to imagine this and I honestly couldn’t, not in a real, oh my god, this is really happening, kind of way. This is what did actually happen to my sister and not one restaurant patron helped her in any way at all. She didn’t have any wipes on her (isn’t that always the way when you desperately need them) and her husband ran to to get as many paper napkins as he could whilst she desperately tried to clean their son up.

“What could another patron have done?” You might be asking. Well, anything but nothing! Here are some suggestions if you ever find yourself witnessing such an awful situation: Alert the staff, suggest they get some disinfectant and lots of paper towel. A bucket of hot water, a mop, you know, those things you need to take care of a situation like this, offer to help get paper towels from the public toilets, if you have young children (and there were other families with very young children there) offer your baby wipes! Try not to stare. the worst thing these people did was nothing. This was an awful situation for my sister and her family. She was embarrassed, stressed, mortified and by the end of this now-turned-horrific brunch, a little angry! And I can’t say I blame her.

We all talk about how kind we can be on social media, but it’s time to own that kindness in real life. Stop being so ghastly! Help out your fellow people when they need you! No, it wouldn’t have been pleasant, but no one was expecting you to do the actual clean up! My sister didn’t even expect the restaurant staff to do that! She cleaned it up as much as she could with the limited resources she had, but their disappointment in their fellow patrons and the lack of kindness shown to them, is something that has to be shared so that no one ever has to go through that again!

It’s time to start actually doing the right thing and thinking about people other than yourself. To the patrons at that restaurant: shame on you!

If you have a child with special needs and would like more information on where you can get support, please check out the links below:

USA (this is a link to a blog that lists 10 organizations within the USA that can help you with support):

Where to find support in USA

In Australia:

Support in Australia

UK:

Support for parents in UK

NZ:

Support for special needs in NZ

If you enjoy reading my crazy, varied blogs, please subscribe here on WordPress. Sharing is caring, so feel free to share with your friends. I’m on Facebook: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. Come like my page and share it with your friends! You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures And please subscribe to my YouTube channel: Aussie Mum’s Adventures (I’m still working on it, so please have patience with me!).

Fibroids

Uterine Fibroids. You’ve heard the term; if you’re American, you’ve probably seen a drug commercial for a medication to take to relieve your symptoms (yes, the USA has these crazy drug commercials pushing out prescription pharmaceuticals with catchy tunes and all).

But what exactly are uterine fibroids and why am I writing this article on them? Basically, I want you to be your own biggest advocate when it comes to your health and these tumors (normally non-cancerous) are extremely common in women of child-bearing age and older and can be a real pain!

According to UCLA OBGYN (http://obgyn.ucla.edu/fibroids) uterine fibroids also known as leiomyomas (pronounced ‘lie-o-my-O-muhs’) or uterine fibromas, are “firm, compact tumors that are made of smooth muscle cells and fibrous connective tissue that develop in the uterus.” They are the most common tumors in the female reproductive system, effecting between 20-50 percent of women of reproductive age. Twenty to fifty percent! That’s huge! The thing is they can range in size from something so small as to be undetectable, to something as large as a grapefruit! They can grow inside or outside of the uterus and they can grow back! The only medical guarantee you’ll get for them not growing back is if you have a hysterectomy! But aren’t so many women too young to have hysterectomies? Obviously it’s not an option if you’re not done with having kids either!

Sometimes I feel like we are living in the dark ages. How can this be the only way to permanently get rid of fibroids? Please don’t despair though, there are other options for treatment, just know though, there is always the possibility they will come back.

First things first, what causes uterine fibroids? Guess what? No one really has a clue! There are some indicators that hormones (estrogen and progesterone) play a role, “Fibroids contain more estrogen and progesterone receptors than normal uterine muscle cells do” and fibroids tend to shrink after menopause. Other than that, it’s a bit of a guessing game!

As far as who’s likely to get them goes, unfortunately African American women seem more prone to uterine fibroids, they are also likely to be affected at a younger age. If there’s a history of them in your family, then that too is an indicator of increased risk. There could also be environmental factors that play a part, but in my opinion, there needs to be a whole lot more research done on these.

What are the signs and/or symptoms of uterine fibroids? Well, a friend of mine who had a very large uterine fibroid started with very heavy periods. These can actually be so heavy in fact, that you end up losing too much blood and in her case, needing to get a red blood cell transfusion for severe iron-deficiency anemia. Now this is extreme yes, but not as extreme as we would like it to be and if you’re anything like me, you don’t necessarily pay attention when your body goes through some minor changes like heavier periods. What other things can you be on the lookout for? Well normally fibroids aren’t painful, but if you’re experiencing any pain or pressure in that region that seems somewhat inexplicable, definitely go and get yourself checked out, you could experience pain in your back or even in your legs (could be symptoms of many other things too, I know!) What else? Periods lasting longer than a week. Peeing lots and feeling like you still need to pee after you’ve peed – that’s a lot of peeing right there! 😆  Not a laughing matter but worth a chuckle. And if that’s not enough then there’s the constipation you could also experience! Yippee! Nothing better than peeing a lot but not being able to go number two! (Definite sarcasm happening here 😉). Of course, there could be other things going on or you could be having no symptoms at all, then your doctor surprises you with the news that you’ve got uterine fibroids after your most recent lady exam! Not fun news for anyone! Basically, it’s time to start thinking about how to get rid of those suckers!

So what to do next? Well after the news has been confirmed through those wonderful pelvic exams or if that doesn’t work out, your doctor may use one of the following methods: ultrasound, or lab tests to rule out other causes of anemia, MRI, or a one of these lesser known tests –

Hysterosonography: Also called saline-infusion sonography, is basically where they inject sterile saline in the uterus cavity and use ultrasound to get a better picture of what’s happening.

For more info, click here

Hysterosalpingography: This is more commonly used if infertility is an issue. It’s where your doctor injects your uterus and Fallopian tubes with a dye then uses X-ray to see what’s happening.

For more info click here

Hysteroscopy: This one’s a little more invasive. Your doctor will insert a small, thin, lighted tube into your vagina and go all the way into your cervix. You will be injected with a liquid or gas to expand the area so your doc can have a good look around. This might be done under a local or even a general anesthetic. Doesn’t sound like much fun at all, but if it has to be done, at least know exactly how it all works and what you might experience afterwards!

For more info, click here

I am by no means a medical expert, so I’m trying to write this article in layman’s/laywoman’s terms so you know what to look for and some basic options. Obviously your doc will share with you some, if not all, the options of treatment and what’s best in your situation, but I’m going to give you a list of treatment options right here and try to break each option down a little for you, so you know what questions to ask if these come up.

Watchful waiting is actually a very common option. You literally do what it sounds like and patiently wait, hoping the fibroids will go away on their own. Every woman is different and every fibroid can be different. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, there are numerous other options:

Firstly, let’s start with medications:

Androgens: Just as it sounds, it’s like a male hormone and can give the side effects that you imagine such as weight gain, unwanted hair growth and a deeper voice, as well as a few others, so make sure you are fully versed in everything you can be about this drug.

Birth control: I’m pretty sure you’re familiar 😊

Gonadotropin-releasing hormone (Gn-RH) agonists:Basically this puts your body into a menopause-like state for the time that you take them. You can only have it for a matter of months also because it can cause bone loss. The other thing is that the fibroids may grow back the minute you stop Gn-RH.

Progestin-releasing intrauterine device (IUD): This is really used to relieve the heavy bleeding from uterine fibroids, it doesn’t shrink them, obviously it also acts as a birth control, so not an option if you’re hoping to become pregnant.

Tranexamic acid (Lysteda): This is another one taken to ease heavy bleeding. It’s non-hormonal though and only taken on heavy bleeding days.

Other options (There could be more options, especially as modern medicine embarks on new discoveries – hopefully anyway, but these are the most common as of the time of writing):

There are some non-invasive options such as MRI-guided Focused =Ultrasound Surgery. This is performed whilst you’re inside an MRI – your doc gets a precise location of the fibroids, then uses an ultrasound transducer to target sound waves to heat, thereby destroying bits of the fibroids. So far this one has got thre thumbs up as being safe and effective but again, not at stopping the fibroids from growing again.

Then we have the minimally invasive procedures such as Uterine Artery Embolization, where small particles are injected into the arteries supplying the uterus. They cut off the blood flow to the fibroids and basically shrink them, relieveing all other symptoms at the same time. the only problem with this is if your doctor gets it wrong or something happens and the blood supply to the ovaries gets screwed up somehow. This can cause major complications.

Myolysis is a laparoscopic procedure where an electric current (laser) basically destroys the fibroids and shrinks the blood supply that feeds it. Cryomyolysis works the same but freezes it instead.

Laparoscopic or Robotic Myomectomy is when your doctor makes small incisions on the abdomen and uses a camera on the end of one ot the instruments to see and therefore remove the fibroids through these incisions. The Robotic side of it is where there’s a magnified 3-D view that offers more precision and I’m sure a hell of a lot more cost.

Hysteroscopic Myomectomy seems like a rather uncomfortable procedure where the camera and instruments are inserted through the vagina rather than through the abdomen. This procedure is really for fibroids that are inside the uterus (submucosal).

Endometrial ablation is really for any abnormal bleeding rather than anything else, though can be combined with the Hysteroscopic Myomectomy to remove submucosal fibroids.

Then there are the traditional surgical procedures, of which the most well-known is the Hysterectomy, basically the removal of the uterus. This unfortunately is the only proven permanent solution for fibroids and is obviously not an option if you would like to have children. If you also have your ovaries removed at the time of your hysterectomy then the surgery will bring on menopause, and a whole new set of things to consider!

The other surgical option is an Abdominal Myomectomy for when you have very large or very deep fibroids or if you have a number of them. It is true surgery where they open you up through the abdomen and remove the fibroids, but the scarring afterwards can actually affect future fertility though is a better option (IMHO) if you are still wanting to have a baby, than a hysterectomy.

Again, be your own advocate and find out exactly what your doctor is recommending and read, read, read. Make informed decisions about your own body, remember that you have the right to decide what is best for you.

Also, please don’t ignore those warning signs!

If you enjoy reading my crazy, varied blogs, please subscribe here on WordPress. Sharing is caring, so feel free to share with your friends. I’m on Facebook: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. Come like my page and share it with your friends! You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures And please subscribe to my YouTube channel: Aussie Mum’s Adventures (I’m still working on it, so please have patience with me!).

 

Bathroom Makeover – The Flooring

So hubby and I decided it was finally time to actually do some sort of makeover of our master bathroom. It wasn’t a big space but it certainly wasn’t a nice one either. The only thing acceptable in it was the shower itself. Somebody had obviously recently renovated it. Not necessarily in my choice of colour, but it was certainly good enough for us not to worry about ripping it up and starting over. This isn’t our forever home. We did however desperately want to get rid of the god-awful brown square tiles covering the floor and the lip leading into the shower. 

I am reasonably sure the man who lived in this house prior to us, had absolutely no taste whatsoever, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. We have seen numerous examples throughout the house proving this point. Just look at the backsplash (almost identical to the bathroom tiles) and countertops in the kitchen: 

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I’m not sure if he was doing everything possible to eradicate everything even remotely feminine in this house (apparently they went through a pretty nasty divorce after he told her to leave because he had found “the love of his life”)! I mean he seriously sounds like such a dick anyway! Good riddance! And good riddance to the ugly brown tiles throughout the house that don’t match anything else. 

Back to the bathroom: we had decided on the LifeProof vinyl flooring planks, having been very impressed by the way they’ve held up over the past year in our basement. We love the colour too (seasoned wood) and it looks amazing with blue paint (& every other colour too)! Here’s a link to it at the Home Depot: LifeProof Seasoned Wood multi-width vinyl flooring (and no, I’m not getting paid by them to share this link with you, though I wish I was! lol)

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We knew how durable the vinyl flooring was because we used it in our basement renovation over a year ago and it has withstood three kids, a dog, a cat, numerous guests (the guest room and spare bathroom are down there) even some drunk people – yes, the bar and pool table are also down there! 😉 I was actually originally toying with the possibility of using the travertine, like I had done in the kids’ bathroom, but decided against it because of what a pain in the arse it became when I actually renovated the bathroom from hell (aka the kids’ bathroom). I didn’t want to rip out the existing tile, I wanted something easy to lay, was reasonably priced and was also durable – unlike the flooring we had put throughout the main level that looked beautiful at first, but damaged the minute you breathed near it (Here is a link showing some of the ‘wear and tear’ on this flooring. Do NOT buy this product, you will regret it and the company – Harmonics, holds no liability, blaming the installation process for everything! This was the Harmonics Spiced Applewood Laminate Flooring from Costco.)

Normally, you don’t need to lay any underlay underneath a vinyl flooring but because of the square tiles, I decided to use a vapour barrier one I had found on Amazon to help even out the uneven divides between each 2×2 inch tile. It obviously need to be something that could go in a bathroom, so this one was perfect: 3in1 Silent Vapor Barrier Flooring Underlayment w/overlap and tape 100sq.ft by Feather Step and you can’t beat the price at $18 for 100 sq. ft! Be prepared though, it does smell a bit when you open the packaging up.

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The next thing you need to do is to work out how your flooring is going to lay. Because the Seasoned Wood Vinyl Flooring planks come in multi-widths, we had to plan this out in advance to get minimum waste. I suggest you do the same thing. Here is a time lapse video link to us laying the floor : Bathroom floor laying. So, the first thing I need to clarify is that we do have the vapor barrier upside down in this video. We did eventually reverse it, but it was a long process and quite frustrating, so I didn’t get video footage of that. Remember, silver side down.

The next problem we had was the super weird, ugly shower lip. Why would you put those ugly floor tiles going up the edge of the newly renovated shower? A normal person would have gotten rid of that, but not our guy! Probably because it was a tad too hard; it certainly puzzled us for a while as to how we were going to get rid of them without removing the tiles (we would have to do it all if we removed these ones).

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Hubby suggested using baseboard, but I was very concerned about the moisture getting into it, even after I coated it with spar urethane (a special urethane that is used for sealing wood in areas where it will be exposed to water or strong sunlight). We tried it nonetheless and it looked like crap to be honest. I bought a couple of different types of tiles, but we needed something big enough and with nice enough edges, that it would look good on the top where it met the other tiles from the shower, or we needed something to finish it off. It was really a matter of trial and error. We had decided to use the Aspect Peel and Stick backsplash  stainless long grain metal tiles behind the countertop (hubby’s suggestion) so I thought it might be a good idea to use these down the bottom of the shower, where it met the floor. But how to finish the edge off and cover the little bit of exposed ugly tile? I searched through the house looking for something I could use when I found it!!!

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Yes, that is leftover wire cord from an IKEA light! If you look closely you can see that the outside is actually covered in plastic, it was surprisingly flexible too. I straightened the cord out, sealed the ends by melting the plastic for a split second and glued it on with a waterproof glue and Voila!

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The Aspect Peel and Stick tiles with the IKEA lighting cord used as the finishing touch
The finished floor!

 

We love our new bathroom floor!

If you enjoy reading my crazy, varied blogs, please subscribe here on WordPress. Sharing is caring, so feel free to share with your friends. I’m on Facebook: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. Come like my page and share it with your friends! You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures And please subscribe to my YouTube channel: Aussie Mum’s Adventures (I’m still working on it, so please have patience with me!).

Teen Anxiety and Blaming Parents

I recently read an article titled “10 Reasons Teens Have So Much Anxiety Today” and I was really quite shocked at just how much the author generalized and blamed parents in this article. A little too much blame methinks. As if parents don’t have enough stress on them too! How about the fact that in America it’s all about working rather than spending any quality time with your family? How about the fact that teachers aren’t given the respect and recognition they deserve? And yes, I do believe (highly unfairly) some parents expect teachers to raise and discipline their kids.

I think another factor is that society wants to give everyone a medal! God forbid we recognize that our child lost! – Our daughter had a soccer game the other day and it was awful! It was awful to watch. She played terribly. Her team was annihilated because none of them played well. She got into the car afterwards and told us how she played terribly. I said she had some moments that were good, but it definitely wasn’t fun to watch and she certainly wasn’t playing her best. She said she didn’t give it 100% – All we ask is that our kids do their best. Every time. If you are going to commit to something then you need to give it your best. I told her I appreciated her admitting that, but if she wants to play soccer then she needs to give it her best, every, single time. There is no talking it up at our house. We are by no means perfect parents but when our kid doesn’t commit and recognizes it themselves, I’m not going to disagree. I’m not going to praise the not-so-good. I am going to praise her great moments though. Our other daughter has just made a lacrosse team. It’s the B team. She started playing lacrosse at a free clinic last Summer. She did another clinic in Autumn. And another this Winter. She can’t expect miracles. She can’t expect to be the best immediately. It just doesn’t work that way. I’m proud of how she responded though when I told her this morning that she had made the B team. She said that if she wants to get better then she has to work hard. But she’s going to play hard nonetheless and actually said how thankful she was that we actually let her start playing the game now (14).

No one knows if they’re doing the parenting thing the ‘right’ way. Articles like these point out some great things to keep an eye on but they also blame parents in so many ways and that’s when it becomes unfair. We are trying to do our best. We are told what we can and can’t do as far as our parenting goes. We are told we are doing it wrong all the time. “Too many electronics!” “You have to have your kids skilled in electronics!” “They’re not exercising hard enough!” “You’re putting too much pressure on your kid by having them exercise hard throughout the week and playing competitive games on weekends!” There’s a happy medium somewhere there, but we can’t be blamed for everything! Society as a whole needs to intervene in a more productive way. Playtime at school has to happen. Yes to less screen time, but haven’t the so-called experts been saying that for years about TVs?

My son told me he was bored the other night, I told him to read a book or play legos or take his imagination on an adventure! We ended up playing a family card game of Uno. It was fun! Kids need to be bored and parents need to allow them time to develop coping skills, it’s also a time when parents can add some family fun into the mix.

I very much believe in the hierarchy point though. I have friends whose kids seem to dictate all that they do. I have friends who treat their kids as equals and share with them far too many facts about themselves or other adult friends. Your kid is your kid. Not your peer. Not your friend. When they are adult enough, become friends. But they need you as their parent, their guide, their guardian, right now.

This article points out things to keep an eye on within ourselves (as parents) and some modifications we can definitely make in our day-to-day lives as the parents of teens or even tweens, but blaming us for everything isn’t the answer either.

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, Please subscribe to it and feel free to share it! We  cannot be alone in how we think! Come on over to Aussie Mum’s Adventures on FB and like my page: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures. I’m one of those who is passionate about many subjects including parenthood and would love your feedback on any blog I’ve written.

Dr. Seuss Themed, Book Week, Door Decorating

I volunteer in my 6 year old’s class once a week to help with extra reading and his teacher asked if I could help with a book week door design – oh yes I can! Lol. I went on Pinterest and looked for ideas as to how to encourage young readers to get excited about reading and found some awesome ideas, including varied options for the “I will read” saying, inside of an extended version of Cat’s Hat.

Credit from Pinterest (I can’t find the site again to give proper credit)
The beginning drawing
A close up of Cat’s face – though I did edit him a tad during the painting phase

Everywhere I looked there was the Cat’s hat, but what about Cat himself? I grabbed one of my son’s books and freehand drew the cat. He turned out pretty great! Lol. I honestly don’t know how to help you draw him other than to say it might help to look at the picture in grids and draw each grid independently, sometimes baby steps are the best, rather than looking at the bigger picture.

The drawing was the easy part though, trying to copy the font for the passage on the right had to be the most time-consuming! Painting was certainly no easy task either, but the rewards are immediate! I did however make a mistake and tried to erase my pencil marks too quickly (see photo). But all in all, I was very happy with the results!

I did everything at home other than the handprints of course! This afternoon I had the lovely pleasure of assisting each first grader in dipping their hand in paint thereby adding their personal touch to this door cover. It was so much fun! The teacher had photos of each and every child that we stuck in the middle of their handprint. It worked out really well and I love it! I’ll never have another first grader, but I’ll always have this amazing memory! Even the teacher put her handprint on there!

If you enjoy reading my crazy, varied blogs, please subscribe here on WordPress. Sharing is caring, so feel free to share with your friends. I’m on Facebook: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures And please subscribe to my YouTube channel: Aussie Mum’s Adventures (I’m still working on it, so please have patience with me!).

Miscarriage – Mourning the could-have-beens – part 2

If you haven’t read part 1 of my story, please use this link: Miscarriage – Mourning the could-have-beens – part 1 and head over to it.

The second time I miscarried was about 7 months after my first miscarriage. I was 11 weeks, 6 days pregnant.

Facebook was a fairly new thing and I had just begun to connect with a whole heap of people online. As with the first miscarriage, I had been to the doctor and had the pregnancy confirmed. It was standard practice in Texas to come back at 12 weeks to hear the fetal heartbeat and do various first trimester blood tests, etcetera. We were excited. After the first miscarriage, I bought a fetal Doppler so I could find the heartbeat myself & after a lot of searching and much panicking, we did find it. It was all very exciting. I would go and try to find the heartbeat almost daily though, which was probably unhealthy in itself. Anyway, we were excited. We were expecting & at 11 weeks, 5 days, I announced it to the world via Facebook, what could it hurt right? My appointment was in 2 days, things seemed to be coming along nicely.

The following morning, Texas started going in to panic mode as there was a big ice storm coming. The entire city of San Antonio began to shut down. We got a call from the doctor’s office saying we would have to reschedule our appointment (it was meant to be for the next day) as the city had closed everything. They would call us back after the ice storm to find another time for the appointment. The timing was incredible.

That afternoon, I began spotting all over again. I couldn’t believe it but read that it can happen, even during a normal pregnancy. I was trying to be calm but when we couldn’t find a heartbeat, something kicked in and I knew in my heart of hearts that this was happening all over again!

It was very different this time. It’s really tough for me to explain and to tell this story, but I pretty much started to go into labor (I had a child, so I knew what that felt like). Everything was wrong. Hubby was at work again – he worked for a home improvement store so had to make sure people got the supplies they needed for the ice storm, ironically.

Our little girl was amazing! She just sat out in the living room watching tv, being the sweet, responsible, almost 3 year old, that I was so incredibly lucky to have!

But what I went through was awful! It didn’t last for that long. But imagine actually giving birth to something that doesn’t resemble a baby at all. I know you can find photos on the internet that look like a tiny baby when you are almost 12 weeks pregnanct, but this was a lump. I couldn’t mourn it, I couldn’t stand looking at it. It didn’t have limbs, it was just a lump. And in some ways it made it easier to move forward and in other ways, far more difficult. That fact that I had been through the whole process of a miniature labor, was very tough to swallow, the fact that it didn’t remotely resemble what the books showed you, made it a tad easier, I guess.

For 3 days San Antonio was shut down, even hubby stayed home for 2 of them. By the time the clinic called back to reschedule, I knew it was all over and told them as much. They wanted me to go to have a D&C (a clean out to make sure everything is out of you so you don’t have any chance of getting an infection) but I knew everything was out of me. I knew my body had done its job. I just knew.

I spent my next few weeks in a daze and thought our daughter would end up being an only child. Obviously I was too old or I had done too much damage in my earlier days through smoking and drinking. It was a tough pill to swallow as one thing I adamantly didn’t want was an only child! But I put thoughts of another baby on the back burner and focused on the child I did have. I gave up smoking (yes, I still smoked – outside – after having our first child – obviously I stopped during the pregnancy-but I stopped completely this time). I started to exercise and even started making some friends. Hubby introduced me to some of the spouses of his college cohort and we all started to socialize on a regular basis too. It was a really fun time in our lives and we made the most of the family time we got together and the quality of life our daughter had.

About 1 year later, I was fortunate enough to get pregnant again and everything seemed to be different from the get go. It was meant to be. And my second little girl is 10 going on 18. She’s a handful, but an absolute joy.

I even got a surprise third baby about 4 years after she was born, when my husband was waiting for a vasectomy of all things! Had I not though, there wouldn’t be any Hunter-isms! 😁 Check out my Facebook page to find out more info about those!

I hope you’ve found this blog helpful and in your time of need, you know that you are not alone. Please feel free to share so others understand how many of us have been through this. Come on over to Aussie Mum’s Adventures on FB and like my page: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures.

If you or someone you love has experienced a miscarriage, please remember there are resources out there to help you.

In the USA:

https://www.gopinkandblue.org

In Australia:

https://www.pregnancylossaustralia.org.au

In NZ:

https://www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz

In UK:

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Miscarriage – Mourning the could-have-beens – Part 1

 

Screen Shot 2019-02-20 at 10.53.02 PMMiscarriage, it’s the kind of word that comes with lots of stigma. It’s the kind of word that seems to hush the room when spoken, no-one knowing what to say, yet statistically, it happens often.

According to March of Dimes:

“Miscarriage (also called early pregnancy loss) is when a baby dies in the womb (uterus) before 20 weeks of pregnancy. For women who know they’re pregnant, about 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies (10 to 15 percent) end in miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) happens in 1 to 5 in 100 (1 to 5 percent) pregnancies.

As many as half of all pregnancies may end in miscarriage. We don’t know the exact number because a miscarriage may happen before a woman knows she’s pregnant. Most women who miscarry go on to have a healthy pregnancy later.”

This might be a tad tough to read, it’s certainly tough to write, but sometimes we need to share our stories to help others through their struggles. it’s that spoken about, yet unspoken thing that so many women have to endure. The United States is currently in the midst of an abortion debate, but we seem to forget about those who tragically lose a fetus, particularly when they are trying to conceive.

Unfortunately I know this from experience, twice. The first time, I was 8 weeks pregnant, we were super excited. Life was good. We had moved to Texas from Italy, my husband had left the Navy and started school to earn his bachelor’s degree. He was working a part time job, our eldest daughter was two and we were ready to increase our family. Money was tight and we didn’t have great insurance coverage but it was good enough to cover a pregnancy and we knew that once my husband had finished his degree, we would be ok. Life had other plans at that point in time though. 

I was approximately 8 weeks pregnant. We had confirmed the pregnancy at a doctor’s appointment when I was approximately 6 weeks pregnant. They told us to make another appointment at 12 weeks, we were delighted. One of my hubby’s friends was having a party and I was designated driver (obviously). We were having a good time when suddenly something didn’t feel right. I went to the bathroom and had some fairly prominent spotting. We left the party shortly thereafter. I was concerned, but tried to remain as calm as possible.

The following morning, I dropped my husband off at work and was driving home when all of a sudden the bleeding became fairly heavy. It was scary. My two year old daughter was in the car. I was alone. We got home and she saw the blood and started crying asking if Mummy was ok. I was more scared for the scarring this could do to her than anything else at this point in time, so I tried to reassure her I was ok. Even thinking about it now makes my heart beat faster. With only one car, it wasn’t even like I could physically go and pick up my husband from work, so I sat there with my little girl and cried and miscarried throughout that day. Alone, in a foreign country, not knowing anyone close by. 

When I did go and pick up my husband, who was blissfully unaware of all that had transpired throughout the day, he saw me and seemed to understand something was terribly wrong immediately. We decided to go to the emergency room to make sure it was a miscarriage and that nothing further was wrong. Unfortunately, it was all but confirmed (another blog to come about this whole ghastly experience) so I went home with a heavy heart. 

I’m pretty sure I cried for the next week or so. I felt lost. I felt like I had failed. I felt alone. I wanted to give my Mum a hug and have her tell me everything was ok, but unfortunately she was on the other side of the world. Thank god I could at least talk to her on the phone! My husband tried to be there for me, but he didn’t really know what to say or do. I couldn’t help him either, I was a little lost and trying to hold my shit together for our daughter. He was doing his best to hold down the fort in every possible way. 

What do you say when someone has a miscarriage? Well here’s what not to say, “it was obviously for the best as something must have been wrong with it.” Um, no. Just no. (and yes, people felt the need to say this to me). That might be true, but when someone dies after suffering incredible pain, you don’t tell their family that it was for the best, it just doesn’t work! Just listen. Say you’re sorry. If you’ve been through it yourself, share that information. Tell the person you have some understanding of what they’re going through. Remember that everyone feels pain differently, your experiences are probably different to theirs and if you’ve never been through it, then you honestly don’t understand. Be honest. Let them talk or sit in silence. Its similar to grieving for a loved one. You didn’t know that child, but you lost the promise of all that could have been. When you find out you are pregnant, you are excited, you can’t help but wonder what this child will be like; is it a girl? A boy? Twins? Will they be a prodigy? Will they be funny? Sweet? What sort of mother will you be? How many adventures will you have? So many things run through your head the minute a pregnancy is confirmed. And it’s all the could-haves that break your heart when you miscarry.

I mentioned earlier that I had a second miscarriage and I will share the details of that in part two of this blog. Miscarriage can be terribly lonely. Women feel ostracized by it. But you are not alone and it’s ok. You will get through. You will be ok. We will be ok. More than likely, you did everything right. No-one can really explain why miscarriages happen, but what we do know is that everyone experiences different emotions when they go through a miscarriage; you doubt your own body, you question what you’ve done to deserve this. Some people grieve immediately, others later. At the end of the day, it’s painful, but you are very much allowed to mourn your loss; to mourn the could-have’s. 

I hope you’ve found this blog helpful and in your time of need, you know that you are not alone. Please feel free to share so others understand how many of us have been through this. Come on over to Aussie Mum’s Adventures on FB and like my page: Aussie Mum’s Adventures. You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures.

If you or someone you love has experienced a miscarriage, please remember there are resources out there to help you.

In the USA:

https://www.gopinkandblue.org

In Australia:

https://www.pregnancylossaustralia.org.au

In NZ:

https://www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz

In UK:

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

Resources:

March of Dimes

Shut the French Door!

When it comes to French doors and privacy, there are only so many options. I started researching some of them when we installed our French doors on our house here in Virginia. We have a larger lot (over 2 acres) and are surrounded by woods, but in the winter, the trees take their deciduous steps and distant neighbours have now got much better views into your domain. This bothers me, particularly at night when it is so dark outside and the house is lit up like a small supernova. I definitely like my privacy. What to do on a budget? Well, given I had no clue how to make French Door curtains, I purchased some and they’re fabulous and cost about $30.

We have another set of French doors in our basement and it has always bothered me that my kids could be down there playing (the video gaming is set up down there) and anyone can see into those doors too. I had originally planned to buy another set of the same style of curtains for down there, but then I remembered I actually have a ton of curtains from our various moves – yes, when you move like we do, you acquire so many things – some of which are a metallic Grey and would match the decor down there absolutely perfectly! The curtains I had purchased (pictured) looked very easy to copy the style of, so with a few modifications, I set out to repurpose my existing curtains into practical ones for the French door.

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The first thing I did was measure the window opening in the door to ensure the curtains I had were long enough, they were. Then it was a matter of taking approximate measurements of the existing French door curtains to match up my gray ones. I measured the width of the curtain and realized I had to cut quite a lot off it. This is a little scary mind you as you are ruining, I mean restyling, something perfectly good. I found the best thing to do was to measure all the way down putting a small sharpie mark along the length then getting a ruler and joining these marks together, then it was just a matter of biting the bullet and cutting (if I ruined them, well I did have another back up pair that weren’t so perfect but would do). I made my curtains 26″ (66cm) wide with a half inch hem on the side that needed a new hem. Therefore, my marks were made at 26 1/2 inches (67.3 cm) across ensuring the 4 circles (normally what would go on a rod) became the feature top of my French door curtains and were evenly spaced on both sides.

With the length I cut off, I measured the amount I would need to make the two pieces that velcroed together, holding the entire curtain up when you wanted to allow daylight in. I did screw up a little bit here as I didn’t take into account the fact that the second piece wouldn’t have any hem on either end, don’t do what I did, make that second piece a fraction longer, it will make life easier and save a burnt finger when it comes to ironing that hem on. I made each of these pieces 19 1/4 ” (49cm) by 2 1/2 ” (6.35cm) PLUS hem – important you don’t forget to factor this in.

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I didn’t even tell you that I wanted to do this entire project without sewing! I had lots of iron-on hemming tape and thought it would be perfect for this job.

If you have never used hemming/bonding tape, basically you use an iron to melt it together, ergo bond the fabric together at your given hemline. The iron has to be hot (so the fabric you use has to be capable of withstanding a reasonably hot iron, and you must turn the steam function off. Be careful not to touch the hemming tape with the hot iron, it will melt immediately and leave a sticky residue on your iron – if this happens, turn iron off and wait to get cold before wiping with a clean cloth that has some rubbing alcohol on it (I do not know this from experience ;)). I decided to double hem my edges because I wanted a clean ‘finished’ look, it did mean a lot more work but it looks better in my opinion. One other thing I did was to cut the hemming tape in half lengthwise as it fitted each of my little, narrow hems much better like that.


Once everything was hemmed and ironed, I folded the front of the curtain over so it gave my front a more professional finish, I used more hemming tape at the top to secure these two folds together.

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I then joined the two pieces on to the back of the French door curtain like so (I pinned everything in place after I had measured it and before I permanently attached it so I could be sure it was all going to work and look nice and neat). My strips were attached 6″ in from the edges on each side.
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Then it was a matter of attaching the Velcro. Again, I didn’t particularly want to sew, not that I can’t, I’m just not very good at it and don’t particularly enjoy it, so I had some sticky back Velcro from another project and just used it. This really is a matter of eyeballing and making sure they will align when joined together. Pinning helps with this too.
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Finally, it was time to attach a curtain to the French door:


I love how these turned out. They match the decor down here perfectly, I had everything on hand so didn’t actually have to purchase anything and now I know we will have privacy downstairs too!


Would you try this at your house? What do you think of this project? Please come on over to Aussie Mum’s Adventures on FB and like my page: Aussiemumsadventures. You can find me on Twitter: @ozmumsadventures, on Instagram: Ozmumsadventures, on Pinterest: Aussiemumsadventures And please subscribe to my YouTube channel: Aussie Mum’s Adventures (I’m still working on it, so please have patience with me!).

The ‘Wall’

Mexico-U.S. border wall prototypes/photo by CBP Photography/Flickr

I understand immigration is a big issue, particularly illegal immigration. I went through hell to get into this country legally, all because I just happened to fall in love with a US citizen!

This isn’t the solution though; a wall that is. The proverbial ladders are already being funded and built. The real costs will be incredible! You’re talking about taking land from farmers, stopping their seasonal workers from doing the laborious jobs no one else will do because the pay isn’t worthy of the labor-intensive nature involved. Fresh produce will increase in price – for all of us, as will law suits because the government is taking private land and there are very few private land owners willingly ready to give up their hard-worked land. Not to mention the incredible environmental impact – the actual production of cement/concrete, creates immensely harmful greenhouse gasses. The Rio Grande is often a scarce water region so locals, neighbours, on both sides of the river, have for years worked together to come up with solutions to share the water resources. They have built dams together, they have, for the most part, been extremely amicable, my daughter literally read a passage out of her fifth grade social studies/geography text book about just this thing last night.

Then there’s the devastating impact on wildlife. The National Butterfly Center located in Mission, TX has had a portion of its property sectioned off to build a part of the wall that was already funded under Congress last year (2018) when it approved the funding of approximately 33 acres of ‘barrier’ costing an estimated $600 million. The Butterfly Center is going to try to fight it, but “Under laws passed since the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the Department of Homeland Security has said it can override federal environmental regulations to build barriers at the U.S.-Mexico border.” (Texas butterfly center fighting border wall construction).

But, here’s the thing & it’s big! The hatred for fellow Americans has to cease, as does the great big line that has been invisibly drawn between us. You are representatives of a great country, a great multi-cultural country. A country that has developed in diversity because of all the immigrants that have contributed to it. You have the opportunity to show what great people you are! And just how great the UNITED States of America is! We have to work together to find a solution for illegal immigration. We have to stop the hatred between fellow man. We have to be reasonable when looking for solutions to problems such as illegal immigration. We cannot join in with the BS currently circulating throughout this great country. The division, the name calling, the hatred, it has to cease. I don’t have the answers, but I’m certainly willing to keep an open mind if reasonable ideas are put forward for how to eliminate illegal immigration at the US/Mexico border and take care of both our fellow human beings and the animals who populate the world with us. Just not a wall.

References

Retrieved from: https://www.dallasnews.com/news/news/2019/02/04/texas-butterfly-center-fighting-border-wall-construction