Ahhh, Sick Child in my Bed Syndrome, You know, that moment when your baby gets sick with a high fever or something that you have to keep an eye on, but you no longer have baby monitors, ergo, said child sleeps with you in your bed! Why is this a syndrome you may wonder, particularly if you don’t have children? Read on my friend & you will very quickly understand.
Here’s the thing, this little person, who on a good day comes up to your thighs, turns into an absolute beast during the night. You can have a king size bed and still, it will feel small when that little beast gets into it! At first they start out like an angel and you look at them with their halo glowing and think, “oh my precious little baby! I’m here for you, I just want you to feel better!”
You worry immensely and toss and turn thinking about all the horrid things that could have made your baby sick. Slowly, you realise you won’t be any good to them without any sleep yourself, so you eventually start to nod off…….until, you get a very prominent kick in the head, back, neck, knee, groin, basically any body part that was innocently laying there minding its own business. You look over and there is your precious angel laying sideways somehow contorting their body so that both parents are receiving kicks at the very same time and both of you are desperately clinging to the mattress for dear life. If the mattress were to be compared to Saturn, you would be literally clinging to the outer ring, hoping to regain your position on the planet somehow, but knowing there was little hope as the alien being you had invited in because he was sick, has literally taken over and the price for regaining control is too high.
You awaken, for the 15th time in less than 30 minutes and are about to very politely carry sick child back to bed because you cannot take the torture anymore, when he coughs, and you feel his head, and his fever has returned and you start to panic all over again thinking about all the things that could have done this to your baby. This is your night, yes your entire night.
Your child, who may well be the most uncoordinated being on the planet during daylight hours, somehow finds the contorting, magical super powers at night especially when they are sick, to ensure you too are tortured to the maximum degree possible. And, in that moment, when sleep deprivation and the bruises all over your aching body, are about to overtake you, the halo once more appears and you forget all about the previous 30 minutes knowing in your heart of hearts, you’ll do it all again tomorrow night if you have to.